Things to know about the exclusive new $2.7 billion Wynn Las Vegas hotel:

• The hotel logo is “Wynn.” Translation: win. Period. I did not. Period.

• There are plenty of places to find the logo: the pillowcases, the coffee pots, even on the packaging of the salted cashews in your room. Wynn. Nuts. I ate Steve Wynn’s nuts. Period.

• The hotel’s centerpiece is a 45-foot waterfall-and-lagoon feature nestled in a man-made mountain covered with genuine pine-smelling trees. This is not to be confused with the 54-foot volcano across the street at the Mirage or the lesser tree-covered mountains right next door that surround Treasure Island’s Sirens Cove. The key difference with Wynn’s mountain and waterscape is that to really enjoy this magical landscape you must view it from inside the hotel, not the Strip! Very exclusive! Actually, the reality is that you can’t really see it all unless you stroll the balconies surrounding it – for a two-drink minimum (regardless of whether you are a guest of the hotel or not).

• In the latest Vanity Fair, Wynn said of his hotel, “No tricks. No plastic theme-park bullshit.” Um, except for the plastic turf that surrounds the entire hotel. And the huge floral ball ornaments dangling from trees in the lobby. Fake as well.

• In the same article, he describes the casino carpet as “underwater meandering sea forms.” I call it busy. In fact, I counted 11 different patterned rugs in the hotel. The underwater meandering sea forms carpet will be available retail.

• The hotel features a gorgeous golf course. It costs $500 to play 18 holes. I was told that it’s booked for a year solid. It’s so popular that rumor has it they plan to raise the price to $750.

• VF‘s Nina Munk says of Wynn, “Everything about him is shiny and smooth.” I didn’t get to see him in person, but his face is illuminated on all the ega bucks slot machines. I say he looks like Marv Albert.

• Best room feature is the TV in the bathroom. Worst room feature is the size of the TV in bedroom. Tiny. And the strange color, which reminded me of the quick-tan formula this girl I knew in high school used to use in the late ’70s.

• Best spa feature is heated shaving cream. Worst spa feature is, well, it’s just not the Bellagio, kids.

• The Esplanade, which is the high-end retail complex, features exclusive boutiques like Chanel. In fact, there are three Chanel stores in a three-block radius (Wynn, Caesars, and Bellagio). This must explain why the girls who work the hotel check-in are wearing Chanel. Though when I asked one of the them if she got her Chanel suit at the Wynn Esplanade, she confided that the suit was “inspired by Chanel.” I then leaned over the counter to see if she was wearing Manalo Blahniks. Nope. Not even “inspired by.” Period. Though she could have purchased a pair at the Manalo boutique in the Emporium, which I am pretty certain is exclusive to Wynn’s.

PS: In other Vegas news, my new favorite slot machine is the Liberace. Instead of bars there are keys, as in piano keys! And the jackpot icon is a beaming Liberace! This slot is featured at the Riviera hotel!

– Randy Barbato

(Hotel photo by Erik Wunstell)