Last night was The People’s Choice Awards for the favorite entertainment of the last year. Well, Rotten Tomatoes is chosen by the “people” too and it’s a pretty reliable source for telling whether a movie sucks the big one or not. Anything under 50% score and you can be sure, Oscar is not coming to call. These are the bottom 15 films of 2015. Several tied, counting down from stink, to stank to stunk up the whole joint. Some BIG stars made some BIG stinkers this year. And btw, let this be a warning, January and February are traditionally when studios dump their clunkers. (Mordecai came out last January. I rest my case.) So, stuff you see in the theaters now are likely to make this list, this time next year.
14 & 15. Transporter: Refueled + Pixels (Tie at 17%)
The first 3 Transporter films with Jason Statham were fun, because you had Statham, the hottest guy on the planet. Ed Skrein replaced him in the 4th installment. Exactly. Who?
I actually saw Pixels at a screening and it had the WORST dialogue ever. No, REALLY bad. I think it might have been written by a computer program. Another dog to add to Adam Sandler‘s growing pound.
11 & 12 & 13. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip + The Gunman + The Last Witch Hunter (Three-way tie at 16%)
NPR called The Gunman;
“A dum-dum action picture that briefly pretends to be about world aid before returning to muscular, middle-aged men beating the snot out of each other.”
The Seattle Times warned;
“Exposure to ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip’ may result in the dislocation of eyeballs in viewers over the age of 7 due to uncontrollable rolling of the eyes at the sight of the idiotic antics committed on screen.”
AndThe Washington Post said of The Last Witch Hunter;
“The special-effects-laden fight scenes are ho-hum, incoherent and badly lit. It’s often hard to tell what some warlock or scorpion-like beast is doing and to whom.”
10. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (14%)
The first film starred John Cusack. He smartly opted out of the sequel, which has Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry, and Clark Duke hurdling ten years into the future to prevent the murder of one of the group. Kill. Me. Now.
9. The Seventh Son (13%)
I actually caught this fantasy thriller, because of the cast, although it took me a minute to remember that I had seen it. Not a good sign. Another mush-mouthed performance by the once-great Jeff Bridges. The lead is cute… and Julianne Moore‘s turns into a dragon, I think? New York Magazine said it was:
“A strange movie that manages to be both ridiculous and bland, its chief point of interest is the spectacle of a great actor caught in career decline.”
8. Mordecai (12%)
Once again, great talent gone to waste. Reviews called it an embarassing spoof of a film that was ANYTHING but funny. And what’s with the ‘staches? It came out last January, not Movember.
7. Unfinished Business (11%)
I have to admit, I didn’t HATE this movie that much. It’s not great, but Richard Roeper clearly thought it stank;
“After seeing the wretched, wandering mess that is ‘Unfinished Business,’ I’m wondering if some studio executive scribbled those words on the front page of the script as a commentary instead of a suggested title. Nearly everything about this movie feels like a task half-completed.”
6. Fantastic Four (10%)
The studio was probably hoping origin story of Fantastic Four would be as good as X-Men: First Class. No one seemed happy with this bland reboot. The Hollywood Reporter;
“Even if lip-service is paid to some great threat to life on Earth as we know it, the filmmakers bring nothing new to the formula, resulting in a film that’s all wind-up and no delivery.”
5. Taken 3 (9%)
The third time for this tired series was NOT a charm. Liam Neeson slogged through yet another revenge story. Vulture said;
“The concept is lame, and the execution is lame, too. The more the film advances, the less we care about the plot — or anything that happens to anybody, really.”
3 & 4. Hitman: Agent 47 + Point Break (Tie 8%)
Based on a video game, Hitman, stars Homeland‘s Rupert Friend in a generic action thriller. This dull franchise might get rebooted again one day, but a character that barely talks does not make for movie greatness.
It’s been a generation since the original Point Break (1991) with Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze, so why not haul it this shred of an idea again. The San Francisco Chronicle‘s Peter Hartlaub boiled it down to
“feeling like a Mountain Dew ad.”
That pretty much sums it up.
2. Hot Pursuit (7%)
Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara together in a buddy comedy. Sounds good on paper, right? Not so much. ABC‘s David Blaustein says it;
“…fails to be the smart comedy it should have been, especially given that it stars an Oscar-winning actress and the Emmy and Golden Globe-nominated star of one of TV’s top comedies. This movie feels beneath them.”
1. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (5%)
The original didn’t win any awards, but this one does; THE WORST MOVIE OF 2015. If you saw the first one, this is more of the same; Kevin James falling down a lot. This time he does it in Vegas. Charlie Chaplin he is not.