In the surreal world of fake Presidents, fake news and sharing on social media, it’s sometime hard to tell what is what. We here at The WOW Report do our best to confuse, I mean, INFORM you of today’s latest news and trends in our head-scratching time. We are of course then proud to bring you a public service for your next trip. Mar-a-Lago VIP Express Booking, exclusively for only those with the most questionable of tastes.
Mar-a-Lago®, President Trump’s glamorous private country club, is open for business! If you’re a foreign leader (or CEO) who likes golf, huge shrimp cocktails, doing generous business with the Trump® family, or negotiating international treaties far from the glare of a prying press, Mar-a-Lago® is like the wholly opaque, semi-secure, rhinestone-encrusted luxury compounds once only available to leaders like Saddam Hussein and Idi Amin.
Interested in booking a fabulous Mar-a-Lago® suite? Fill out the form and the Secret Service and/or White House political advisor Stephen Miller will have Jared swing by to pick up your nonrefundable 50% reservation downpayment in cash.
Make sure you answer all the questions in the pull-down navigation and check all appropriate boxes…
Role: (check all that apply)
• Foreign Leader
• Russian Oligarch
• Banana Republic Despot
• Latoya Jackson
• K Street Lobbyist
• Close Personal Friend of Jesus
• Wall Street Banker
• Breitbart Blogger
Purpose of Visit (check all that apply):
• Letting POTUS win at Golf
• Totally legal, international money drop
• Being surrounded by nonstop fucking class!
• Hot tub with President Steve Bannon
• All-you-can-eat buffet (extra charge — krugerrands only)
• Poolside Orgy furnished by Trump® Escorts China LLC
I would like to meet privately with (check all that apply):
• First Lady-Daughter Ivanka® Trump
• #1 Son Jared Kushner
• Donald J. Trump’s Son
• Donald J. Trump’s Other Son
• Anyone else who can change laws to make me richer and pay no taxes.
Click through to Mar-A-Lago VIP Express Booking and enjoy your stay!