With the NBA announcing the starters for this years All-Star Game, to be played in Phoenix, it is time to announce the NBA’s first annual All Hot Team, who will perform as part of the weekend’s festivities at the LA Eagle’s world-famous Wet Underwear Competition. (I’m still working on lining that up…details to come.) Anyway, without further ado (and much coastal bias):
Center: David Lee, New York Knicks 6-9, 235 Br/Br
David combines a tough inside game with a drastically improved jumper and is becoming a legitimate scoring threat. He has always been a superb rebounder, battling much bigger, sweatier men for loose balls with aplomb, and can finish in traffic with either hand. Also, he’s straight out of Sean Cody Central Casting…All-American boy with a wild side.
Forward: Danilo Gallinari, New York Knicks 6-10, 225, Br/Br
Gallinari was the Knicks 1st rd draft pick this year from Italy. He’s 19 and his nickname in Italian is Gallo, which means “The Rooster.”He has been hurt most of the year after a summer league incident with a man called Tractor but has shown a lot in his limited minutes. Gallo has a rep for being cocky and not afraid to get physical… we’ll see how that plays out. He also kind of looks like a rooster but is still hot.
Forward: Luke Walton, Los Angeles Lakers 6-8, 240 Br/Bl
The ultimate surfer boy, this Malibu resident has been thrilling fans his whole career with his steamy blue eyes and unbelievable basketball IQ. Also a consummate team player, Luke has been battling injuries this year but has regained his starting spot and is playing well as the Lakers are rolling.
Guard: Jordan Farmarr, Los Angeles Lakers 6-2, 190, Bl/Blue
Jordan, who I must mention first has spent much time in Israel helping out with a basketball program designed to bring Israeli and Palestinian youths together (thru b-ball), is half Israeli and his gorgeous hairy legs are complemented well by adorably huge ears. He is injured right now but when healthy is one of the more promising young point guards in the league…and also possibly the HOTTEST JEW ALIVE.
Guard: Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets, 6’0 175, Bl/Br
Chris is the only actual All-Star on this list and is one of the top-5 players in the sport. Amid worries he was too fragile to succeed in the NBA, he dropped to fourth in his draft and has been making all the teams that passed on him regret it the minute he started playing. Chris’ game features pinpoint passing and clutch shooting, and he leads the league in steals and hot angry looks at teammates who just screwed up. I want to make him MAD!!!
So there it is – my apologies to those who almost made the cut, like Luke Ridnour, Corey Maggette, Caron Butler, and George Hill. Anyone else I missed? Let me know.