WORLD EXCLUSIVE! The WOW Report exclusively brings you the exclusive first picture of Baby Suri! Whilst lesser websites have been wasting time speculating the multi-million price tag of the first paparazzi shot of the TomKat baby, we at the WOW Report have spent the afternoon shitting our pants in a tense bidding war with a dishevelled toothless man who knocked on our office door bearing the prized picture. We got him down to $45 and a hotdog from Scooby’s in the end, and we think you’ll agree it was worth every penny.

– Steven Corfe