The TMZ site today flaunts Suri Cruise’s birth certificate, which in some camps is breaking news. But really the only interesting part of the document is that it wasn’t signed by the doctor who supposedly delivered the kid, but by a nurse who wasn’t present at the procedure. So that, combined with the too-silent birth and the fact that Tom and Katie still haven’t presented Suri to an eager world or to close friends after two months suggests that perhaps there is no Suri, or there is but she’s in a very dark place. Or it may just be that the Cruises are trying to keep the newborn from contracting dreaded engrams, like regular parents vaccinate their youngsters against, say, polio, smallpox, plague, and other normal childhood illnesses.
“It’s possible that Tom Cruise is being overcome by his Scientology training and that’s leading to a paranoid world view that is being reflected in his behavior with baby Suri,” says Rick Ross of Cultnews (via gossipist Jeannette Walls). “A negative experience coupled with noise can create what Scientologists call an engram — which leads to recurring negative reactions. That might include paparazzi, newspeople, or a clamorous crowd. The only way to remove engrams, Scientologists believe, is through the process they call auditing. Tom Cruise’s efforts to create a quiet cocoon around his daughter might be a precaution against engrams.” Of course, that’s possible, but maybe they’re just having the baby groomed and neutered.