If you’re too lazy to bake for the Fourth of July yet still want to bring a bit of homespun heartiness in the form of a pie to your coworker’s barbeque, we suggest you visit the Hollywood Bazaar bodega at Las Palmas and Hollywood Boulevard, across from World of Wonder, and buy yourself a bottle of limited-edition SNAPPLE PIE, the apple pie-flavored Snapple. Tasting somewhat like a cross between warm, freshly churned butter, melted cinnamon candy, and plastic explosives, this TLC-infused drink is sure to transport you to your childhood home where pies taste sweeter, nights are spent catching fireflies, and God hates you for being a fag. As it says on the label, “Our crust is a must!”

And on a side note, last night at the Los Angeles Film Festival’s opening-night premiere of The Devil Wears Prada, Anne Hathaway appeared to have fat knees.

– John Hill