We’ll keep this short. We’re thinking that was the worst four hours spent in recent memory and certainly the worst awards show ever. Thank God we watched the entire fiasco over the phone with James St. James, that’s all we’re saying. Since when is being “held down” a positive thing, as Lil’ Kim kept thanking her homies for doing for her while she was in jail, even though she also said, “You can’t keep a good bitch down”? Was it as painful for you as it was for us to watch Jack Black’s and Sarah Silverman’s careers fizzle out in front of millions? Why was Lou Reed there? Isn’t he way too old? Did anyone in the audience even know who he is? How is it that the longest acceptance speech was for Best Ringtone? How is that even a category? Why, if everyone took claim to bringing sexy back, was it nowhere to be found on stage? The scant highlights of the show would have to include the MTV graphics (as always), the transformation of Radio City Music Hall into what looked like a giant Victorian whorehouse, OK Go’s performance, and that little bit near the end in a dressing room where Justin Timberlake, power tool in hand, was “maximizing the storage space” and affixing little hooks on a shelf for Jack Black’s keys. It lasted about 10 seconds and even though he missed it when he put the phone down to go to the bathroom, James agrees it was the best thing about the MTV’s 2006 Video Music Awards.