Kabbalah followers believe that water can be given magic healing powers through “meditations and the consciousness of sharing.” So Kabbalah followers Madonna and husband Guy have tried, “relentlessly pursuing people,” to get the British government to use the magic water to clean up radioactive waste. The Ritchies say it’s been successfully tested in a Russian lake – and they even had a Russian scientist ready to explain it to anyone who would listen. “It was like a crank call,” said a dismissive spokesman from Downing Street. “The scientific principles were just bollocks, basically.” Silly Madge, she should have approached Washington. Bush would go for it.