Two things Billy Bob Thornton has learned:

• If I want to talk a problem over with someone, I always call a woman.

• Never get a tattoo with somebody’s name on it unless you’re ready to get another one put over it.

Two things Keith Richards has learned:

• Poison’s not bad. It’s a matter of how much.

• Rock ‘n’ roll’s great weapon is humor.

Two things Roseanne has learned:

• Everything is a government conspiracy.

• I’m way funnier in the morning.

Two things Alex Trebek has learned:

• A good education and a kind heart will get you through life in pretty good shape.

• Ours is a quiz show, not a game show.

Two things Faye Dunaway has learned:

• The impulse toward perfection is more important than perfection itself.

• It doesn’t really matter what other people think.

Two things Richard Branson has learned:

• Hire people who will treat the switchboard operator as friendly as they’ll treat the managing director.

• If you’re embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don’t forget the toilet paper. Once, we had to wait for incoming faxes.

(From What I’ve Learned… at MetaFilter; t/y Nick)