You’ve seen the first trailer for the holiday film version of Cats, I assume? Well, it was panned almost universally.
Stuart Heritage, from The Guardian, like many of us, hoped for something better with this newest one. Nope. Those hopes are dashed, but his review of this latest trailer is one for the ages. He’s so appalled (read with a British accent) that it is VERY entertaining…
Here are some excerpts:
“It’s still the most terrifying thing you’ve ever seen in your entire life, isn’t it?”
It looks like Taylor Swift took all her clothes off, daubed herself in Pritt Stick and then emptied the contents of your dad’s hair clipper all over her body…
…the issue isn’t just that all the cats look like discarded genetic mutants, even though they definitely do. It’s the scale.
Who in the name of juddering God would build a catflap this gigantic? James Corden, a cat, is standing on his hind legs and he could walk through this catflap without so much as stooping. Three James Cordens could fit through this catflap at the same time. It is a desperately inefficient catflap. Is Cats supposed to be set in a universe where everyone hates doors?
Why doesn’t anything make sense? Hang on. How big are these stairs?
If a cat can reach halfway up a normal human door, why are they also only the height of a normal human stair? Are these giant cats or tiny cats? And what sort of hideous proportions are the humans supposed to be in this film? From what I can work out based on the surroundings, they must be three feet tall with two-and-a-half-foot-long legs…
Sonic the Hedgehog just spent $35m redesigning its lead character to look more appealing. Cats could have done something similar. But, no, it’s still going with…
Dame Judi Dench, a cat, wearing a coat made of cat fur.
Even though it’s the most disturbing thing you or I have ever seen. Seriously, if funds were short, it should have done a crowdfunder. I’d have chipped in. Anything to spare me from this waking nightmare.
‘Why didn’t we see much of Idris Elba in the previous Cats trailer?’ you ask.
Here’s why. It’s because he looks like he’s been in a chip fat accident. Doing something this awful to Idris Elba should be punishable by the European Court of Human Rights.
So far, the second Cats trailer seems an awful lot like the first. Can it give us something – anything – to add value to the film?
Well, here’s a shot of James Corden the naked hairy part-human cat licking his own hand in an overtly sexual way. So no. No it can’t.
Watch. (If you dare.)
(Photos, screen grabs; via The Guardian)