#TheEndIsNigh: Christian Numerologist Claims the Rapture Begins Saturday

THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!

WE’RE ALL DOOOOOOOMED!

Christian researcher David Meade its claiming that the Biblical rapture will start THIS Saturday. That’s when all good Christians ascend to heaven, leaving the sinners here on earth to battle the Anti-Christ during the chaotic “tribulation” period of the Apocalypse (as foretold in the book of Revelations).

Why Saturday?

Meade calculated it would occur 33 days after last month’s eclipse.

“Jesus lived for 33 years. The name Elohim, which is the name of God to the Jews, was mentioned 33 times [in the Bible],” Meade told The Washington Post. “It’s a very biblically significant, numerologically significant number. I’m talking astronomy. I’m talking the Bible … and merging the two.”

Meade believes global catastrophes will be caused by a secret planet called Nibiru passing the Earth on Saturday. The world won’t end, “but the world as we know it is ending,” he told the Post.

Of course NASA ― and just about every astronomer ― said the secret planet of Nibiru doesn’t exist.

“Nibiru and other stories about wayward planets are an Internet hoax,” the space agency said on its website a few years ago when similar doomsday predictions went viral. “There is no factual basis for these claims.”

Even fellow Christians are calling out Meade and others over the latest doomsday predictions.

“Meade’s views are not endorsed by Roman Catholic, Protestant or eastern Orthodox branches of Christianity,” Fox News reported.

“Meade is a made-up leader in a made-up field, and should not be on the front page of anything, let alone Fox News,” Ed Stetzer of Christianity Today wrote.

While the writers of the Bible have used numbers at times, Stetzer said there were no “secret numerical codes that require a profession called ‘Christian numerology.’”

Of course, Meade COULD be right. Saturday just might be the day that Trump launches the nuclear bombs that obliterate North Korea, setting off a chain reaction that devastates the world and literally ends the age of man. Soooooo, let’s not get too cocky just yet. I’m saying a few prayers tonight just in case.

Watch the video below, in which a space queen gives birth in front of a seven-headed moon lizard, for further clarification.