Tomorrow, I’m on the Tyra Banks show! Yes! I actually shot it back in December, but they held it for sweeps. Not because of me (good lord), but because it’s the big AMERICA’S NEXT TOP TRANSSEXUAL MODEL episode, and I’m judging it with Janice Dickinson and Kevin Aviance, and it’s sort of an explosive show, I suppose. I’m really not that excited to see it, though. No, really. I was a little off that day, and didn’t have any good lines. I’m also wearing an old outfit that many people have seen before. So, eh. Whatever. I’ll probably skip it. Yeah. Watch Boy Meets World reruns instead. You know how I am.
KEVIN, though, God bless him, is wearing a GIANT PINK ANUS. You need to watch it just for this outfit. I think it was meant to be a rosebud, but god help me, it’s just a big glittering pink butthole. You have to see it to believe it. DON’T GET ME WRONG – rosebud or bunghole, it’s pretty fabulous. I’m not being catty or rude here. I WORSHIP KEVIN. Have you HEARD his version of “Din Da Da”? He’s an absolute GODDESS. I’m just saying: This outfit is really out there and totally fabulous.
And Janice! Well, what can I say? She’s just an absolute force of nature. I wish I had a really good story to tell about her, but she was just a doll. A CROCA-DOLL! Ba-dum-BUM! Oh wait, I think I told a slightly catty story about her in an old podcast. I’m not going to tell you which one, though. You’ll have to find it yourself.
ANYWAY, whether I suck or save the show – PLEASE!! – clog up Tyra’s message boards with RAVES about me! PLEASE! YAY! (Watch the commercial here)
– James St. James