I’ve changed my mind about two of the most loathsome creatures on the planet. I’m talking about Kimora Lee Simmons and Kim Kardashian, of course. For the longest time, I hated them as much as you do. I’ve seen them out at parties, of course, and shopping around town and, like you, I found them both to be utterly vapid, completely ridiculous, and without any redeeming qualities whatsoever. I watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians mainly for the trainwreck that is Bruce Jenner’s face, and Life in the Fab Lane mainly for the pretty colors when I was in a K-hole and couldn’t figure out how to change the channel (KIDDING!). But lately I’ve softened on both of them. No, before you jump down my throat, hear me out.
KIM: As a gay man, I have very little use for that gigantic ass of hers. I get it, though, I get it. If Zac Efron got butt implants, I’d be all over that shit, too. But one can only dream. CONVERSELY, though, as a gay man, I just LOVE a girl with big bazooms. All gay men love to play with big boobs, it’s just something in our genetic makeup. And girl with big bongos who FLAUNTS THEM, well, that’s just heaven. From Jayne Mansfield to Dianne Brill to Anna Nicole Smith, the homo highway is paved with big-boobed icons. And Kim seems to be having a good time with her body, and that’s a GOOD THING, so I’m cutting her some slack. And I’ll take her over Paris any day.
KIMORA: After watching a six-hour marathon of her show last week, I’ve concluded that as obnoxious and over the top as she is, she really is just having fun with her dragon-lady image and, hell, if I had that kind of money, I might have gold toilets, too. Oh who am I kidding: OF COURSE I’D HAVE GOLD TOILETS. AND SABLE TOILET PAPER. And maybe if I look real deep into my heart-of-hearts, I just might have to admit that my knee-jerk hatred of her is really because she has my fantasy closet. And fantasy life. And I really think she loves her kids. And that’s sweet.
– James St James