I was floored- FLOORED- by those little cum-muffins, the Jonas Brothers, on the recent American Music Awards and at the Macy’s Day Parade last month. I simply CAN’T STOP thinking about them- CAN YOU?– and how SUDDDENLY HOT the middle one has become- AM I RIGHT, AM I RIGHT? The French have a phrase for that, you know. They call it: a coup de La Beouf. Meaning: SUDDENLY HUMP-ABLE, MUCH LIKE THE AMERICAN ACTOR, SHIA LABEOUF. It’s true. Look it up.
On the other hand, I am very sad to have to report about the recent fuggliness of Justin Long. OMG – HOW TRAGIC IS THAT? I hate it when a perfectly lickable young lad just loses his looks, overnight, as is the case with the former MacDreamy. OMG IT HURTS TO EVEN WATCH THE NEW MAC ADS ANYMORE. I mean: WHICH ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE UGLY ONE? I CAN’T EVEN TELL ANYMORE! They are both SO UNCOOL!
And you know who else went from hot to not: AJ HAMMER. The guy from Showbiz Tonight on CNN. WELL, HAVEN’T YOU NOTICED? I think the smarminess of his job has finally curdled his good looks— just like it did to Mark McGrath all those years ago. Oh yes, it happens, believe me. TRUE STORY: when I first moved to LA ten years ago, RYAN SEACREST was an unknown local DJ who was UNBELIEVABLY HOT– it’s true! We all thought so! But see what a decade of sucking celebrity ass will do! OMG HE LOOKS LIKE POSSUM ROADKILL!
– James St James
[Guest-editor note: You know who else got ugly all of a sudden? Heath Ledger! OMG!]