In these, the last waning days of my 30s, when I can’t tell my Rihannas from my Cieras and Ameries, and I still get all sniffly when I think of that poor Ashanti dying in a plane crash, I have to face facts: I am no longer down with the kids. Of course, I’ve never had very good taste in music. I’m no Stereogum. My favorite song of all time is Hilary Duff’s “Wake Up!” YES, OF ALL TIME. SO WHAT OF IT?
But as I hurtle toward the big 4-Oh! I find that I just don’t trust my judgment anymore. For instance, there are a few videos I’m currently obsessed with that I need to discuss. The first one is that song by Panic! At the Disco. You know it. It’s everywhere. My first instinct is “OMG THEY’RE BOTH SO CUTE! LIKE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN PORN STAR” – which immediately makes the song FANTASTIC (yes, I’m THAT shallow). But after the four-hundredth viewing, I’m beginning to have my doubts. They seem slightly “naff,” as we used to say in the ’80s (when we thought we were British). They look to me like first-generation clubkids; you know, before they hit their stride and really refined their style. Maybe if they have other hits and make some money, they’ll lose that “rented costume” look. At this point, though, they seem a little “one-hit wonder-y.” Where did these guys come from? What’s their other stuff like? What’s the consensus here?
The second video is from the group Taking Back Sunday, and the song is “MakeDamnSure.” Love the video, love the song, having trouble with the lead singer. OK, before you watch the video, you HAVE TO LET IT FULLY LOAD, because if you don’t it will be all jerky in the beginning and you’ll miss some of the weird little schtick he does. I’M VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS. LET IT LOAD. I’M WATCHING OVER YOUR SHOULDER. JUST WAIT THE EXTRA 30 SECONDS. JEEZ. Now, what did you think? He’s cute, sure. But he’s just trying WAY TOO HARD, right? It’s like he thought this might be his only video, so he wanted to make sure to throw in EVERY FACIAL TIC HE’S EVER HAD. He scares me a little. I think he’s probably a snotty little bitch. A real finger-snapper. Wouldn’t want to run into him after hours, if you know what I mean. He’s sort of like a vanilla version of Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance (who is infinitely hotter and infinitely cooler).
And while I’m on the subject of feeling out of the loop, when did Dane Cook become famous? All of a sudden he’s everywhere, and people are acting like he’s been around forever. “Oh, here comes Dane on the red carpet….” And what’s all this talk about violins on TV? Violins are perfectly lovely….
– James St. James