PAPER MAGAZINE has invaded LA! They’ve taken over a storefront on Melrose, a place where they say they want Angelenos to “come and play and be mutually inspired.” All day and all night they are featuring “SHOCKING performances, CELEBRITY lawn sports, UNBELIEVABLE music, FABULOUS art, OUTRAGEOUS fashion, OFFBEAT aerobics, FASCINATING panel discussions”… and, well, you get the idea. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Things were getting a little dull around these parts.
I went to the opening night party on Tuesday, and I should have written about it yesterday, I know, I know, but I was just too hung-over. Needless to say, it was FABULOUS BEYOND FABULOUS. All the PAPER regulars were there: David Hershkovits, Kim Hastreiter, Drew Elliot, Mr Mickey, etc, as well as lots of eccentric, arty LA types, like Andrew & Andrew (who ARE they? Anyone? Anyone?), and a smattering of cute boys (more on them after the jump).
I judged the FASHION WRESTLING portion of the evening, along with fellow judges Lenora Claire and Clint Catalyst and MC Mr Mickey. It was all wildly exciting, with lots of nipple slips and torn Marc Jacobs jackets.
The best part of the evening, though, was THE BOY THE BOY THE BOY: YES, the love of my life was there! The only boy I’ll ever love! And THIS time I mean it. I don’t quite remember his name, but what’s in a name? He’s just the MOST beautiful thing EVER. Like an angel. He just GLOWS. And he’s got a great sense of style, for a… you know… (whispers) Californian. We’re meant to be together, it’s FATE, I know it. The first time I met him was about a year and a half ago in Fullerton. FULLERTON, of all places. What was I doing in Fullerton? I was scouring vintage fabric stores, looking for a particular chintz pattern from the 1940s to make curtains. I just happened to wander in to a costume store, AND THERE HE WAS. BEHIND THE COUNTER! The love of my life! Can you imagine? I tried on a number of rather risqué costumes to get his attention – Wonder Woman, sexy maid, sexy nurse – and when that didn’t work, I forgot about it and forgot about him and went about my business. But then I saw him THE NEXT WEEK at that first Party Monster party at Avalon. And THIS time he was REALLY drunk and REALLY sweet and even prettier than I remembered. We talked for a while, and he REALLY made an impression on me. Then there he was again, LAST NIGHT at the PAPER party, just when I was feeling a little sad and unloved. He was in a shredded sequin dress that he had fashioned into a shirt – OMG IT WAS SO SEXY. And he was EVEN SWEETER and EVEN PRETTIER and I knew FOR SURE that he was THE ONE.
OK – but here’s the rub. Turns out he already belongs to somebody. And not just anybody. His boyfriend is a certain glamorous, cutting edge designer, who shall remain nameless, but whose name rhymes with “Laramie Spot.” Now, I happen to like and respect “Laramie Spot” so I will be gracious here, but even “Laramie” can’t stand in the way of fate, so he had just better watch out. I’ll give them six months or so, while I work on my diet and get really thin and cute – then it’s out, out damn “Spot.” The boy is MINE!
In the meantime, maybe I’ll see you at Mr Mickey’s tea with Debbie Reynolds, or Kembra Pfahler’s “gothletic” aerobics, or any of the other PAPER magazine sponsored events at the Acme Gallery on Melrose.
– James St. James