There are a lot of reasons to dislike Los Angeles. After all this is the town that once had a restaurant shaped like a hat, and they tore it down. A RESTAURANT shaped like a HAT, people. Can you imagine? I’m lactating just thinking about it. A HAT. Feel my nipples. And don’t even get me started about Pia Zadora’s ‘renovation’ of Pickfair, oh my god. . . .
It’s a cruel sort of town that can embrace kitsch, yet reject nostalgia. What’s that all about?
But here I am, and I have to make the best of it. And there ARE things about this place that I love, things that you can’t find anywhere else. Whenever I’m lonely or depressed, these things cheer me up.
MY FAVORITE TOMBSTONE: Hidden behind a cluster of buildings and parking structures is the Westwood Cemetery. It’s like one of those after-hours clubs that you have to be really cool to even know where it is. And this is the ULTIMATE after-party. I often go to visit Truman Capote. He’s on top of Heather O’Rourke (the little girl from POLTERGEIST). Also here: Marilyn Monroe, Natalie Wood, Eve Arden (LOVE HER), Cornel Wilde (SO HOT!), Thurston Howell III, Burt Lancaster, Minnie Riperton. . . . Oh and my third favorite Gabor sister (Eva) is here, in an unmarked grave.
But the best reason to come here is for Dorothy Stratton’s tombstone. She was the Playboy bunny from STAR 80, you remember, who was murdered by her husband. The tombstone was paid for her creepy daddy/lover Peter Bogdanovich, and when you read it, you’ll realize why your mother used to say: “Never order a tombstone when you’re angry.” TRULY TERRIFYING STUFF.
1218 Glendon Avenue at Wilshire, Westwood
MY FAVORITE STORE: Of course I’m a fool for Miu Miu and Costume National, but by far, my favorite store in Los Angeles has to be the gift shop at the LA County Coronor’s office. Where else but Hollywood can you combine corpses and consumerism? They have the most fantastic birthday presents. It’s where I got this fab beach towel with a chalk outline on it. HOT. Also: toe tags (!!!), wall clocks, playing cards, refrigerator magnets, fashionable T-shirts and hats, key chains. . . .
1104 Mission Road, downtown 213-343-0760
MY FAVORITE HOUSE: The perfect house for baking children in. It even has a moat. I LOVE moats. This is one of those random, magical places that reminds me why I came to this town in the first place. Oh I just love it.
516 Walden Drive, Beverly Hills
Photos: Eva Thorn