Rather dull weekend. No drug-fuelled orgies, no glamorous soirees, and the biggest star sighting I had was Jan-Michael Vincent at the Silver Spoon diner (looking like Amanda Lepore, I might add, and surrounded by half a dozen pretty-boys – OH JAN!).

Friday night I went to HOUSE OF WAX – which was totally hot, totally fabulous. I smuggled a tape recorder into the theater so you can listen to Paris die and the audience go wild HERE. You’d think after SCREAM we could never go back to the old straightforward slasher pic, but it was really refreshing, really fun. There was a good girl, a bad-boy, a slut, and a token black. There was car trouble. An abandoned town. A spooky House of Wax. And not a whiff of irony to be had. Even when we were looking at Paris through a video camera, and watching her give head, it felt nostalgic rather than ironic. And you know what? SHE WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. And by that I mean that you never groaned at her lines or laughed at her delivery. Even her wonky eye wasn’t annoying! Best scene: Jared Padalecki getting his Achilles tendon clipped. YES! Second best scene? Elisha Cuthbert getting her finger snipped. YES! HOT! And then of course, there was Chad Michael Murray taking off his shirt for no reason at all, and exposing those chewy nips off his. YES! YES! WOW! BEST NOSE & NIPPLE COMBO IN HOLLYWOOD, HANDS DOWN!

I also saw CRASH, which started off rather preach-y, like an after-school special (it’s about “RACISM”), but got progressively better. A dozen different stories unfold over the course of 24 hours, and everybody’s life intersects, and everbody flip-flops and nobody is who they seem to be. The good guys do bad things. The bad guys become heroes. And even if you can see what’s about to happen coming a mile down Sunset, it’s still pretty effective. ( FOR EXAMPLE: When the first thing a little girl says is that she’s afraid of bullets, right after a man in the previous scene bought a gun? Well, you know it can’t end well.) Matt Dillion has an amazing scene with an upside-down Thandi Newton. Ryan Philippe and Sandra Bullock show their acting chops (I’ve always wanted to say that). Michael Pena is great as the sweet, sweet daddy of said little girl. But, hands down, the film belongs to Ludacris. He’s absolutely incandaescant. He glows. You cannot take your eyes off him. He’s funny, he’s serious, he’s angry, he’s conflicted. And, oh my god, he’s so fucking handsome. See the movie just for him.