Aaron Carter !!!
On the cover of L’Uomo Vogue !!!!!
Wearing Heatherette !!!!!!!
No really, I love it when my friends become incredibly successful. I love it when they go A-list on me. It’s just wonderful. And not at all ulcer-inducing. I love it that Richie Rich is living the glamorous life I want to live. It’s even nicer that he looks so incredibly good doing it. Have you seen him lately? No really. Yay, Richie. Yay, Heatherette. Love ya a million. I’ll just toil alone here in the dark. By myself. Supporting you, because YOU DESERVE IT. And just so you know: I’m perfectly fine with the whole Aaron Carter/cover of Vogue thing. Even though I’VE always wanted to dress Aaron Carter. Well, not so much “dress,” you understand. More “undress.” BUT I’M GLAD YOU GOT THERE FIRST. No really. Go Richie.
NOW THEN, A QUICK MESSAGE TO YOU, AARON: Honey. Sugar. Lover. I’m so glad that you are finally embracing your inner club-kid/drag queen/butt-buddy/gay porn side – it’s been a long time coming. I’ve been very patient. However, I’m not sure you need to be making these lifestyle choices in public. It really should be just between you and me and the camcorder in my teddy bear. People like Richie (God love him – GREAT GUY), the photographer Steven Klein (red hot, and very influential) and Kabuki (that nutty makeup artist, yes, he was a boy, I know it’s confusing) THEY WILL ALL TRY AND TALK YOU INTO WEARING LEATHER MONKEY MASKS TO TRY AND SELL MAGAZINES. They will tell you that you’ll tap into a whole new audience if you just grab your crotch LIKE SO. And it’s true. The prison market is very loyal. You’re huge in Attica. They love you on Rikers. But, Baby. Honey-bunny. Sugar-booger. I thought the bedazzled straight jacket was just between us!
– James St. James
