PLEASE GOD PLEASE GOD PLEASE GOD.

I swear I’ll be good. I won’t think evil thoughts. I’ll stop masturbating to Aaron Carter pictures. JUST PLEASE GIVE ME THIS OUTFIT FROM THE VIKTOR & ROLF SPRING/SUMMER COLLECTION. IT’S ALL I WANT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I promise not to go through with my plan to assassinate Mo Rocca. I promise to be nice to puppy dogs and Michael Alig fans. JUST ANSWER MY PRAYERS THIS ONE TIME. AMEN.

Ok, let’s see, let’s see. Weekend update. What did I do? Where did I go? I went to a screening of the movie KINSEY, starring Liam Neeson, Laura Linney, and Peter Sarsgaard.

WHERE: The Fox lot.

WHO WAS THERE: A smattering of post-twinks, Hollywood agents, and sex addicts (can you tell the difference?).

WHAT I THOUGHT: Well, there was some full-frontal Peter Sarsgaard, which was exciting. One fantastic scene with Peter and Liam in a hotel room – HUBBA HUBBA. And a surprise appearance by Lynne Redgrave as a late-in-life lesbian – her four-minute monologue may just unseat Sylvia Miles’s record for shortest performance ever nominated for an Academy Award. Oh, and a completely unrecognizable Timothy Hutton, all bloated and blotchy, looking for all the world like Peter fucking Ustinov. When did THAT happen?

THE PARTY AFTERWARDS: A wine bar? Some stinky cheese and Wheat Thins? Wait, that’s it? No wonder we snuck off and explored the backlots. I have some cute pictures of me in front of the NYPD BLUE station and a Lower East Side bodega, but I can’t figure out how to get them out of my cellphone and onto the blog. So let’s just look at that pretty picture from the Victor & Rolf show again.

I NEED IT I NEED IT I NEED IT
Swoon!