And OH! what surprises we have! Leo was SNUBBED! Leo was SNUBBED, YOU GUYS! It’s not enough that he didn’t have a snowballs chance in Hell of winning, they just CUT HIM COMPLETELY OUT OF THE PROCESS. Why prolong the pain, I guess? Oh my poor baby. Oh my poor darling. Fuck that Damien Bichir, whoever he his, for stealing his spot! A POX ON DAMIEN BACHIR AND HIS DESCENDANTS! I WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER (?) DAMIEN BACHIR MOVIE IN MY LIFE!
Moving on: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close? Best Picture? REALLY? Yuck. Melissa McCarthy got a Best Supporting Actress nod and that’s gorgeous. And Jonah Hill got a Best Supporting Actor nod? Good for him. That wipes the taste of The Babysitter right out my mouth, and does a little preemptive damage control for that HORRIBLE-looking 21 Jumpstreet remake. I’m a little upset that Ryan Gosling got overlooked, but he’s still got YEARS of Oscar nods ahead of him, so I won’t shed too many tears. Albert Brooks on the other hand…
Anyway. The Best Actress competition looks like it comes down to Viola Davis vs Meryl Streep. Rooney Mara needn’t even bother coming, but it’s sweet that they nominated her. Also: Tilda Swinton was snubbed for her DEVASTATING work in We Need to Talk About Kevin, and that’s an oversight I’ll not soon forget. SHAME ON YOU, ACADEMY!
On a personal note, my darling darling old friend Arianne Phillips got a nomination for her costume design for W.E. – and by God, she just might take it. YAY! OMG! CONGRATULATIONS, GURL! The competition from Jane Eyre and Hugo is pretty stiff, but have you SEEN the costumes in W.E.? They’re UNBELIEVABLE! It’s a shame, though, that Madonna didn’t at least get nominated for the song she did for W.E., so we won’t see her muppet face at the ceremony this year. We could always use a little Madonna at these things.
The Best Director competition is sort of interesting, as well, with Woody Allen, Terrence Malik, and Martin Scorcese probably losing to The Artist‘s Michel Hazanavicius, which should make him VERY PROUD.
My predictions? Best Picture: The Artist, Best Actor: George Clooney, Best Actress: Viola Davis, Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, Best Supporting Actress: Either Octavia Spencer or maybe, just maybe, Melissa could be the upset of a lifetime, Best Director: Michel Herzegova or whatever, Documentary: Pina, Original Screenplay: Woody Allen, and, um, that’s all I have opinions about right now. Full list of all the the nominees here.
And finally, if you think that poor Leo isn’t just FLATTENED by the news this morning, look at that GIF of him taken THE MINUTE George Clooney was announced as the winner of the Golden Globe. You see his soul squashed. You see his dreams die. You see the light go out of his eyes. Poor Leo REALLY CARES. He WANTS to be a winner SO BAD. And he ALWAYS GETS PASSED OVER. If you watch the GIF long enough, you’ll see that sad little sigh he lets out. “Stupid, Leo,” he’s saying to himself. “Bad Leo!” Then he goes home and cuts himself and has an extra-punishing wank.