While lesser websites are scrutinizing the minutiae of Paris Hilton’s DUI arrest last night, we at The WOW Report have swooped straight to the throbbing heart of MargaritaGate to bring you this over-the-counter lunchtime exclusive interview with The In-N-Out Burger Employee Who Nearly Served Paris:

WOW Report: In your opinion did Paris Hilton seem intoxicated when she entered your establishment last night?

In-N-Out Employee: Ha. You’d have to ask my manager about that.

Did he serve Paris?

No no – SHE – didn’t. I don’t think she ever made it here; she got arrested, right?

Your manager got arrested?

No, Paris Hilton!

I think so, it’s confusing. But, in your opinion, did she look like she might have had more than the one drink she claims to have drunk?

No, I didn’t see her.

OK. Can you just say something along the lines of “she looked pretty wasted… if that’s what one drink does to a girl… she smelled kind of like whiskey” or something like that I could quote you on? I won’t use your name.

No. Are you going to order something?

Um, a number one. With animal fries.

OK. Please don’t take my picture.

– Steven Corfe