As someone who’s seen every episode of the original series, James assigned me the unenviable task of reviewing the trailer for the new Sex and the City prequel. I can’t remember what they’re calling it and I don’t care. Here’s my twitter-friendly, 140-characters-or-less review, in angry, shouty ALL CAPS:

HORRID HORRID HORRID. THE JOY OF THE HBO SERIES WAS THE FRANK DEPICTION OF SEX. THE CW GIVES US “HOTDOG IN A KEYHOLE.” TWICE. WHERE THE FUCK IS SAMANTHA?