Oh boy, cuddly action figures of Jesus, Mary, Moses, and David are on the way. And they’ll talk. The Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company now has a biblical doll unit, and in May the dolls will be available directly to the faithful over the internet. “In the beginning,” says the company’s Jewish founder Joshua Livingston, quoting the bible, “we don’t feel it’d be right to put it in Toys R Us and be next to a Barbie or a Bratz.” But, verily, it will come to pass. Jesus loves all people, especially spoiled tarts and homeless delinquents.

The dolls, long-waisted and a foot tall, are uncannily lifelike. Since the Teddy Bear Co is a plush toy concern, there’s a good chance the figures will be realistically furry once their tunics and swadling clothes are removed. The line is called Messengers of Faith. Thusly, Jesus will speak five verses from the bible if you press a spot on his back (which it’s said he would do back in Jerusalem, except not from the bible, because it hadn’t been written yet; he would tell parables). Moses will recite the Ten Commandments. And the Virgin Mary will read something from the bible (we’re guessing it will be her press clips from the peak of her career, when she gave birth in the manger). In the works is the Chatty Esther doll, voiced by Madonna, reading the Megillah. (CNN Money)

The dolls will cost $24.99, although Livingston said there will be discounts for churches as well as free shipping for those who buy three or more of the dolls. They will have hand-sewn period clothing, with Jesus wearing sandals and veils for the Virgin Mary. They will also have movable limbs and hands that can grip objects.