Stinkiest TV show: How Clean Is Your House?
Best UK TV show: Sex Inspectors
Best US television network: Trio
Blingiest, most extravagant, only-in-America TV show episode: Oprah’s Favorite Things giveaway on Oprah
Biggest bitch on TV: Tyra Banks
Cutest reality star: America’s Next Top Model‘s Norelle
Best TV comeback: the girls of SNL
Most annoying TV host: The Swan‘s Amanda Byram (please shut up)
Best TV show featuring a former cast member of Star Trek: Boston Legal
Late-night switch that can’t happen fast enough: Conan O’Brien replacing Jay Leno
Best performance on Everwood by a former girlfriend of Ellen’s: Anne Heche
Most disturbing, rarely seen commercials: The Sims
Awesomest, most singalongable commercials: HP Photosmart System’s “Picture Book” (works the Kinks out?)
Cutest commercials: dancing dollar bills for Orange Savings Bank
Best supermodel: Gina Davis
Best book to put in your cart: On Target: How the World’s Hottest Retailer Hit a Bullseye by Laura Rowley
Best memoir written by a valet: Mr S: My Life with Frank Sinatra by George Jacobs
Sexiest book about porn with the porn stars removed: Obscene Interiors: Hardcore Amateur Decor by Justin Jorgensen, Todd Oldham
If there has to be a book about a pedophile, this would be the best: All That Glitters: The Crime and the Cover-up by Raymond Chandler
Most blatant display of ego: Tom Ford’s book cover
Book Andy Warhol would have loved: I’ll Be Your Mirror edited by Kenneth Goldsmith
Best book to enjoy on the subway: Hip Hop Files by Martha Cooper
Photo book that launched last year but, appropriately, partied well into this one: Patrick McMullan’s so8os
Most embarrassing interview: Madonna on NPR pushing her third children’s book
Best part of Paris Hilton’s book: the sweat suit chapter
Best part of Paris Hilton: her name
Humpiest documentary: The Story of the Weeping Camel
Best movies about the learning process: The School of Rock, Mean Girls
Best set decoration in a movie: the croissants as Paris cobblestones in Team America
Most retarded performance: Adrien Brody in The Village
Best Linda Lovelace impression: Chloë Sevigny in The Brown Bunny
Best promotional tie-in toy: The Incredibles‘ Interactive Talking Edna Doll
Lawsuit that’s a bit of a stretch: Sharon Stone suing her plastic surgeon who didn’t perform a procedure on her
Best imitation of a robot: Laura Bush’s handwave
Best single by a former cast member of Star Trek: William Shatner’s “Common People” with Ben Folds and Joe Jackson
Most underrated album: RuPaul’s RedHot
Instant pop classic: Gwen Stefani’s Love, Angel, Music, Baby
Best album of cover songs sung in a nostalgic style and with a German accent: Das Palastorchester und Max Raabe
Least hackle-raising track on William Hung’s album: “Rocket Man”
Sexiest blog: Fleshbot
Cleverest gossip column: Michael Musto’s “La Dolce Musto”
Best fashion blog: Clothes Hoarse
Best new luxe hotel: The Parker in Palm Springs
Best restaurant “room” in LA: JAR
Chichi-est sushi room in LA: Geisha
Cosiest East Village bohemian hang in New York: Apocalypse Lounge
Cosiest East Village bohemian hang in LA: Club Screwball Tuesdays
Best LA party guest: James St. James (if you can get him)
Swellest LA party planner: Rabin Rodgers
Best snack food: pomegranate seeds
Best new fruit: the grapple
Best new candy: Reese’s Swoops
Nattiest former holder of P Diddy’s umbrella who now has his own line of $200 umbrellas: Fonzworth Bentley
Best drag: Bruce Vilanch in Hairspray (who knew he had it in her?)
Best reason to go to Las Vegas: the Celine Dion souvenir shop at Caesars
Best example of product copying art copying product: Campbell’s limited-edition Andy Warhol soup cans
Best foaming facial: Murad Vitalic Energizing Pomegranate Cleanser
Biggest new magazine with the most readable content for people like us especially while waiting to get our hair cut: Giant
Vainest, most annoying celebrity: Star Jones (she probably thinks this list is about her, don’t she?)
Celebrity we love to hate: Catherine Zeta-Jones
Hairiest new scent: Donald Trump the Fragrance
Sweetest sour grapes: Sofia Coppola’s blanc de blancs sparkling wine in a can
Best whine in a can: Kirstie Alley
