Hilary Swank got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today, and after giving a humble acceptance speech (trailer parks… rolls of quarters… following your dreams… biscuits and gravy), she did something unusual – she acknowledged the crowd and signed autographs. I go to a lot of these ceremonies and, trust me, rarely do the stars get close to the weirdo Hollywood crowd. Not even Vanna White. Judge Judy practically spat when an autograph hunter got too close to her. But all of a sudden there was the two-time Oscar winner, working her way down the barrier, signing and chatting. Barely had I processed the fact that Swank was only feet away and I had rudely come unprepared, without a Million Dollar Baby souvenir boxing glove for her to sign, than she was in front of me, black Sharpie poised in the air. I panicked, considered asking her to sign my T-shirt, realized I actually quite like my T-shirt and didn’t want it ruined with pen scrawl, thrust out my bare arm, and asked her to sign it. She did.
I’m now back at work wondering what to do with my signed arm. Never washing again does have a certain appeal. But instead, I’ve opted to profit from the encounter, and you can currently bid for my immortalized limb on eBay. Please be sure to state whether you just want the arm or my body in its entirety to be shipped, as it does kind of affect all of my future plans. Thanks for listening and happy bidding!
– Steven Corfe