“I see you are trying to buy this sex tape from this Teen Mom.  Well, if you REALLY want to make more MONIES, then I would agree to let you film me and all my hotness. I am far MORE popular and WAY HOTTER than Farrah!… Men want a cougar and a real woman, not a teeny bopper. Contact me back if you’re ready to talk serious cash and rock the world.” – 45-year-old Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil, to Vivid Entertainment President Steve Hirsch.

“Unfortunately we don’t have a granny porn section on Vivid.com, but we feel your look would be perfect for radio. You could talk about everything you’ve ever done on a tanning bed.” – Vivid Entertainment president Steve Hirsch, replying to Tanning Mom. (via TMZ; photo: Pacific Coast News)