Today the WOW Report proudly launches the SPCC: the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Celebrities. Through the SPCC, ridiculed stars are invited to embark on our 5-step recovery program for rehabilitation from cruel treatment in the press. By a method of preventing celebrity abuse where it so often begins – with the celebrities themselves – we intend to revive the reputations of some of America’s most hated. It is with pleasure that we welcome our first star into the SPCC program: Kevin Federline.
Step 1. Admittance of Wrongs. For Kevin, this could be many things. Admit you’re one lucky SOB, and the press will admire you more. Admitting you’re not black would be a good start too.
Step 2. Moral Inventory. Searching Kevin’s soul will come up with that nasty little issue of the abandoned pregnant wife. An all-men-are-dogs shrug may or may not clear up this issue.
Step 3. Facing Up to Persons Harmed. Drawing up this list, Kevin should include Shar Jackson, all wannabe rap stars NOT married to millionaire pop tarts, and everyone who ever heard “PopoZao.”
Step 4. Withdrawal Therapy. Following a cold-turkey treatment, Kevin will be offered therapy for overcoming his addictions to ridiculously flashy cars, ridiculously flashy neck bling, and nights out in Las Vegas.
We are confident that Kevin can be rehabilitated into the hearts of America again by adhering to the SPCC program. Coming soon: Star Jones, Tara Reid, and Paris Hilton. But perhaps some people are just beyond help.
– Steven Corfe