OK, we can’t avoid this picture any longer. I thought we might be able to make it through the day without talking about Justin Bieber at the VMAs, but clearly I was deluding myself. From the snake named “Johnson” to those severe new bangs to the faux-intellectual reading glasses to the three-quarter length sleeves on his YSL tuxedo to smugly thanking both God AND Jesus for his success, was there ANYTHING about Justin Bieber last night that DIDN’T make you want to punch him in the face? And that awkward kiss with Selena on the black carpet? I was just mortified for her. I hate to pick on the boy, because bless his heart, he’s still just a teenager – and who among us DIDN’T bring our pet snake to award shows when we were his age? – but DUDE! You are turning into SUCH A PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG! (Pics: Poison Paradise)