I promise you, this is the most interesting How-To video you will watch all week.

Below, cutie patootie Louis Weisz of #RealityCheck investigates the age-old question: “How many slaps would it take to cook a chicken?” The issues at hand: How do you get a fast enough slap rate with your robot hand? How do you have impact control so you don’t pulverize the chicken into mush while slapping it? What kind of thermal-controlled cooking bag will minimize heat loss while standing up to the slaps?

Find out:

Talk about BEATING YOUR MEAT! Anyone? Anyone? Is this thing on?