From the desk of Moye Ishimoto:
I’m having a bad day again. My heart was already broken several years ago when I learned that someone bought the rights to my most favoritest [Korean] movie in the world, My Sassy Girl. I love it so much that one time, I actually found the film on YouTube and made Steven sit through the first five minutes of it even though he was really stressed out with work.
This morning, I awoke to find my heart freshly broken again when I read that Elisha Cuthbert was set to star in the My Sassy Girl remake. For one thing, this is the one Asian film that you could not possibly translate for American audiences without losing its sappy quirkyness. The Ring, OK. The Grudge? Maybe. But any crazy Korean girl that could be perceived as cute over in Asia would be considered a giant nagging bitch here.
For example, when that girl (what was her name again? Let’s call her Kimchee) threatens the poor boy (I forgot his name too. I swear, I love this movie so much) by saying “You wanna die?” and he gets all scared and does whatever she wants, people like me just go “Awww, that’s soooo cute.” And then Kimchee goes up some mountain and cries about how she treats him, because she’s really sad inside. I won’t give away the ending.
Here in America, if some white girl threatens her white boyfriend with death, he’d know that she’s some crazy bitch that needs to be taught a lesson, and then he’d hit her. Okay, maybe not like that. Maybe he’d just say something like “Let’s talk about this, because I really feel like our relationship needs some work” and then they’d go to their individual therapists and talk about their insecurities, work it out, and end the night with a rousing episode of Friends or Will & Grace.
Back to my point. Elisha Cuthbert? How could they do this? This is my all time favorite movie!! I hate her!! I really don’t know why, except there was this one time when I parked my car in the lot at Ralph’s on La Brea/Third Street, and this guy pulled over and ran up to my window and proceeded to YELL at me, because he said I had stolen his spot. Despite the fact that there were about two other open spots behind me. Which I pointed out. But I don’t like being yelled at. And I SWEAR that the girl in the car (who tried to bitch me out while I really just wanted to run inside the grocery store and cry because my feelings were really hurt) looked just like Elisha and therefore, I hate her for possibly hurting my feelings.
Plus, The Girl Next Door was such a stupid movie. Elisha plays the most unconvincing porn star. Trust me, I’ve seen quite a few.
– Moye Ishimoto