10. The camera adds 10 pounds to your mohawk.
9. Work hard and make sacrifices, you can finish in 7th place.
8. It’s very important to “Keep it real, dawg.”
7. I should have gone for the immunity idol – oh wait, that’s Survivor.
6. On-camera, Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he’s a total jerk.
5. Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel.
4. When you forget the words, just do this. (Sanjaya belts out a riff like “Ohhhhhhhh”)
3. Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
1. America loves performers with bad hair – right, Dave?
We’re thinking Sanjy actually might have written the list himself, that’s how not funny it is.