Too soon? Well, it’s been 30 years. I think a little satire is in order. Screen Junkies claims to have received an “unsolicited review” of the Hannah Montana movie from Roman Polanski. And it’s exactly what you’d expect:
“Hannah Montana: The Movie is like an erotic daydream dealing with lust, taboo, and human nature. On the surface the film is a simple morality tale, but its depths surpass understanding. Over the past month I have watched the film more than 30 times, and I have analyzed it shot by shot. But the more clearly I see its physical manifestation, the more I am stirred by its erotic mystery.
“The film opens with our middle-aged hero, Robby Ray Stewart (Billy Ray Cyrus), sitting in a changing room, staring longingly at a blonde female wig. Like Citizen Kane’s ‘Rosebud,’ or the green light at the end of Gatsby’s pier, the object represents the protagonist’s deepest wants and desires. But what exactly is it that our hero desires?
“Enter Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus), a charming brunette nymphet in her early teens. Like most girls her age, Miley is trapped in a sexual purgatory; she has the innocence and wonder of a child coupled with the budding desires and feminine charms of a woman.
“Before long, Miley makes her way to the changing room where Robby is impatiently waiting. Perhaps excited by what is about to transpire, he fidgets with his phone and anxiously begins to pace.
“Using a large makeup kit and the aforementioned wig, the innocent girl we know as Miley transforms into a raw, sexual being known as Hannah Montana. The change is remarkable, and at once we understand Robby’s unrequited desires. The man is deeply torn by the sexual duality of Miley and Hannah. How can the girl be both innocent and seductive; pure, yet prurient?”
And it goes on (and ON and ON) from there. Hysterical! You can read it all HERE.