I’m extremely suspicious of what’s happening in this country. A few years ago, when I was living in New York , my friend Anne and I realized that if you walked down Prince Street in Soho, everyone acted like they were in a music video or in a movie montage. And why did everyone act like they were in a music video or a movie montage? Because everyone in America thinks they’re interesting. And the truth is that most of us who spend our time walking Prince Street and buying $200 jeans and listening to Zero 7 and flipping our hair and talking about our feelings and paying someone $150 an hour to figure out what those feelings actually are, most of us aren’t that interesting. I don’t even think our feelings are worth $150 an hour, are they? Really? OK, maybe Meryl Streep’s feelings are worth that. Anyone who did what she did in Devil Wears Prada deserves to pamper her self a little. But me? Am I really that complex? No. I am not. And who do I blame? Oprah. She started this. I go to her website and it’s all this “Upgrade Your Life!” bullshit and “journaling” and SPIRIT! and SELF! and buy this $45 brownie tin / bubble bath kit BECAUSE I DESERVE THEM and I just wanna scream at myself GO DIG A DITCH BITCH! Yeah, that’s right. I think whenever I start to disappear up my own ass, it’s time to go dig a ditch. And as for Oprah? She can go to Auschwitz or save crystal meth heads or invite Lisa Ling on to talk about gangs (WTF does Lisa Ling know about gangs?) and give a Pontiac to every poor person in this country and I’ll still blame her for this – for making me think I’m interesting. And wanna know what’s worse? Technology is making it easier! Within 10 years, everyone in this country will have his or her own blog or MySpace or YouTube footage of themselves masturbating or blogging about their cat or filming their birthday or their favorite parsnip festival (there’s gotta be more than one) and, really, who cares? Right? So, that’s all I wanted to say. I feel better now. And I really want to thank you for hearing me out and now I’m going to go dig a ditch.
– Ray Cochran