Wednesday, Day 989: POTUS answered questions about the memorandum of a July call with the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The written account had Trump asking Zelensky for a favor in the form of corruption investigations connected to former Vice President Joe Biden.
POTUS urged Zelensky to “do us a favor” and “look into” potential corruption by Biden’s son, Hunter Biden, according to the White House “transcript” of the July 25th telephone call. President Decomposing Gourd told Zelensky he’d have Attorney General William Barr and frothing-at-the-mouth Rudy Guiliani contact him and help Ukraine “figure it out” and “get to the bottom of it”.
Before asking Ukraine to investigate Biden’s son, Hair Führer daintily reminded Zelensky that America sends security aid to Ukraine. Trump also asked Zelensky about Robert Mueller‘s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. election as it related to Ukraine, plus investigate whether he could locate a hacked Democratic National Committee computer server that contained Hillary Clinton‘s emails.
The White House refers to the released document as a “transcript”, but it isn’t verbatim; it’s a “memorandum of telephone conversation” based off the “notes and recollections” of Situation Room and National Security Council officials.
The Short-Fingered Fibber called Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi shortly after she announced the start of a formal impeachment proceeding to see if they could “figure this out”. Pelosi replied: “Tell your people to obey the law“. POTUS also told Pelosi that he wasn’t responsible for the whistleblower complaint being withheld from Congress.
The Late-Night hosts had something to say about all this:
Jimmy Kimmel:
“When Ukraines, It Pours.”
Seth Meyers:
“It actually would have been better for Trump if the whole transcript had just said ‘unintelligible’.”
James Corden:
”Some of the transcript is a little hard to follow because Zelensky’s English isn’t very good and, well, Trump’s is even worse.”
Trevor Noah:
”And you might be wondering, ‘If this phone call is so damning, why did Trump even release the transcript? Only an idiot would do that’. Exactly.”
Samantha Bee:
”Trump’s call to Ukraine’s president is especially crazy because before Zelensky was sworn into office in May, he was actually an actor who literally starred in a sitcom about a random dude becoming president of Ukraine. So it was basically a conversation with someone who started his political career by pretending to be president and another guy who started his political career by pretending to be successful.”
Stephen Colbert:
“And these notes that they released of this phone call make Trump look — and I don’t want to get too technical — bad.”
