Her daddy wanted to name her his running mate in 2016. He considered naming her to head the World Bank, plus he also considered her for a United Nations post. You cannot make this shit up.
Yet here we are, being represented by someone whose qualifications are limited to genes. New York Representative Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (aka AOC):
“It may be shocking to some but being someone’s daughter actually isn’t a career qualification.“
Earlier this week, FBI agents acting on a tip from 50 anonymous sources at the White House, seized Ivanka dressed in a high school lab coat, safety goggles, and rubber gloves pouring a sample of her father’s fetid demon semen into a pipe feeding directly into the nation’s water supply.
Sources close to the president report that in updating his will, in case of his death from COVID-19, he has given the White House and the presidency of the United States to Ivanka. When his lawyers explained that the presidency cannot be passed down as an inheritance, the president reportedly replied: “But the Bushes did it.”
When his lawyers explained that the United States Constitution guarantees presidential elections, POTUS countered with: “So what? Who’s going to stop me? The Supreme Court will protect me, no matter what I do.”
A spokeswoman for her Women’s Global Development and Prosperity Initiative, the program Ivanka heads, said that she continues to send the message that women worldwide don’t have to limit themselves to doing laundry, but, like Ivanka’s father and his pals, they can learn to launder money too. If you follow her advice, you can too!
Ivanka really is an inspiration to women in America and around the world. In her book, The Trump Card: Playing To Win In Work And Life (2017), she dispenses some real nuggets of wisdom (not satire):
“Everybody is given everything they need, all the time. We know that because it’s in every scripture.”
“Some of my best photos of the kids were taken by my nanny during the day (I’m sure in ten years I’ll convince myself I took them!).”
“Perception is more important than reality. If someone perceives something to be true, it is more important than if it is in fact true. This doesn’t mean you should be duplicitous or deceitful, but don’t go out of your way to correct a false assumption if it plays to your advantage.”
“Success isn’t something that happens to you; you happen to it.”
“Sexual harassment is never acceptable. At the same time, learn to figure out when a hoot or holler is indeed a form of harassment and when it’s merely a good-natured tease that you can give back in kind.”
“I bought a vintage ring for $600 with my first paycheck; I plan to pass it down to my daughter.”
I wonder what her daddy will give Ivanka for her birthday. Maybe some COVID? We know he loves her enough to want to date her. POTUS:
“My daughter, Ivanka, who is going to be speaking later, is—she has been so much involved. So incredibly involved. My daughter has created millions of jobs. I don’t know if anyone knows that, but she’s created millions of jobs.“