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Hey Paula/Hate Paula. “There’s no there there,” says Randy, quoting Gertrude. Randy tells how the Tori Spelling-Bobby Brown photo came to be. Posh and Becks. James demonstrates his many poses over the years, leading to his new “stillness.” Ru, it turns out, has always loved Posh. James gives a first-person account of his 24-hour Ring My Bell extravaganza, and perhaps names your city. License to Wed. How stars are credited on movie posters. Michelle Pfeiffer. Underdog. The word “green.” There’s nothing green about Madonna. Or the podcast, for that matter. Hold on – the Pod Squad isn’t watching TV anymore? They’re tired of it. Except for Big Love. And some other shows. James’ new mattress pad and sheets are so comfy he slept for 48 hours. Las Vegas, Palm Springs. Fenton’s baby. Michael Jackson’s son Blanket. Speculating on the quality of Jackson’s children’s daily lives. James remembers Flowers in the Attic, If There Be Thorns, and Petals on the Wind. Poor James is dreading going to a party for someone he loathes more than anyone. He writes down the name of the person and then offers clues to the identity. Pay attention, you might know him. It’s not Billy Beyond. No matter how important you are, says James, no matter how big you get, there’s always somebody bigger who can make you feel like crap. Case in point: when Madonna met Queen Elizabeth. How Brooke Astor got to be Brooke Astor. Will Angelina Jolie age into Teri Hatcher? Have Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt lost their looks, proving that you should be careful what you wish for? Can Pam Anderson ever go brunette? And what about that Gwen Stefani! Remember when Cher straddled the ship’s cannon wearing only black dental floss? Shall the twain of young and old people ever meet? “After 40,” announces James, “every year is like a month and it’s like spinning down the drain; it gets faster the closer you get to death. It’s true.” And on that note
