Michael Alig: Oh James listen. I want to give you an update on this boy Jimbo. You don’t understand the drama that has gone on.
James St. James: Is this the cute one that you sent me the pictures of?
Michael: With the missing tooth!
James: HOT! You’ve been after him for a while, right?
Michael: Yeah. So this guy comes up to me in the yard and we’re talking and he’s a Five-Percenter – that’s, like, higher up than the Bloods, they’re more violent than the Bloods. And his name is Esau. And Esau said, I will go talk to Jimmy for you, I’m going to go hook this up for you and then you’re going to owe me. And I’m, like, well OK. If you really hook it up. I said, But you have to really hook it up. I don’t want, like, an introduction and you say, Now you owe me. I want something to happen and then I’ll owe you, you know what I mean?
James: Well, sure. That’s only reasonable.
Michael: So he goes in – this was last week some time – he goes in to talk to Jimmy and the next thing anybody knows, Jimmy has Esau stabbed in the face with a metal rod. . .
Michael: . . .and Esau is being taken out in an ambulance, and the Five-Percenters now have put a price on Jimmy’s head and the boy who stabbed Esau. . .
James: . . .Wait wait. Jimmy didn’t stab Esau?
Michael: No, Jimmy had his. . . his. . . “dawg” stab him.
James: That’s hot. Jimmy has dogs. So he had him stabbed because he asked him to have sex with you?
Michael: Well that’s the whole thing. We don’t know. Nobody knows exactly what happened. All I know is that I sent him in on a mission and he comes out on a stretcher.
James: (Laughing) Isn’t that always the case with you?
Michael: The path is paved in skulls. So the Five-Percenters had a meeting with me, and they were like, What was this all about? And you know, gayness to them is really bad. But because it was a “business transaction” of sorts, they can sort of look the other way and it’s not quite as bad, you know. So I’m kind of like trying to pull my schtick with them, hoping that I could soften up the situation with a bit of levity – and you know they have absolutely no sense of humor, James. I said, I’ll tell you what. I have an idea – why don’t YOU go in and talk to Jimmy and ask him the same question that Esau asked him and if you get stabbed in the face with a metal rod, then we’ll KNOW.
Michael: Well you should have seen the expression on his face when I said that. He was totally taking me seriously. And he’s like, (in a pirate voice) I’ll tell ya that’s not going to happen! So anyway, there’s a price tag out on Jimmy’s friend’s head. Two days ago, we were all coming back from the mess hall and somebody just walked right up to him with a razor blade and slashed him across the face. And he didn’t even do anything, he just stood there and let. . .
James: Wait. Jimmy did this? Or one of Jimmy’s dogs? How many does he have?
Michael: No, no. A Five-Percenter. In a retaliation against Jimmy’s dawg. So Jimmy’s dawg just stood there and let it happen, which to everybody shows that he was just looking for a reason to get out of here, because that’s his ticket out of this facility. He couldn’t live here any more after stabbing a Five-Percenter. So now I just got a warning tonight saying stay away from Jimbo, because he’s next.
James: So the blood of three people hangs on your head.
Michael: (Laughs) I just wanted a hug. He’s just so unbelievably sexy. And when he walks, his butt. . . . He has a really nice juicy round butt, and you know how those thug types shake their butts when they walk and their pants are hanging down
Michael: Oh my god so hot. And of course you know this whole thing that’s happened only makes him hotter.
James: So what are you going to do with him? Are you still going to try to see him?
Michael: Well he hasn’t left his cell since this happened.
James: Strangely enough, he hasn’t felt like socializing.