TUESDAY AFTERNOON 

Michael Alig: Oh, James, do you know that a couple of days ago I was on the phone, like I’m talking to you right now, and two phones down from me was a guy talking on the phone and someone just walked right up to him and X’ed him on both cheeks with a razor blade. Like X’es, you know? Blood squirting and everything.

James St James: Who were you talking to?

Michael: Sarah. And I’m the only person that even reacted at all. Everyone else that was walking around either ignored it or just, you know, didn’t care. I found out later that the guy who did the cutting – and this is what’s really scary – the guy who did the cutting was a wannabe Blood, and in order to become a Blood you have to go out and cut somebody at random. You have to cut somebody who has nothing to do with anybody, who hasn’t caused any trouble.

James: So it could just as easily have been you?

Michael: It could just as easily have been me, or any old lady in the street.

James: Except there are no old ladies, or streets, in prison, Michael.

Michael: You know what I mean. They just have to go out and cut somebody, and it has to be specifically somebody they don’t have any beef with. They want you to prove your ruthlessness.

James: So you came within a hair’s breadth of disfigurement YET AGAIN.

Michael: Isn’t that the scariest thing? You know, I just keep my eyes open now, and if I see anybody coming near me that I don’t know, I run.

James: Well that’s just something you should do in prison anyway, right?

Michael: Well, who knew it was that bad?

James: (Laughs) Did you just say, Who knew prison was that bad?

Michael: Well, you know, you think as long as you keep yourself out of trouble and you don’t piss anybody off, you’re not going to get hurt.

James: Right.

Michael: Anybody who doesn’t think that I am paying for my crime. . . I am.

James: (Laughs) Repeat that again for the blog. Just so everybody hears.

Michael: It’s true.

James: So what else is going on? What did you do last night?

Michael: Oh, well, Wayne and Sylvie had sent me this fabulous box of watercolors pencils, the kind that you dip in water and they watercolor paint.

James: Sure.

Michael: And they are perfect for makeup! So I had a scar over my left – remember that time I was punched in the eye at Twilight Zone by that security guard I called [the N-word]?

James: Yes, Paris, I do.

Michael: And I told them to give me money or I’d go to the police?

James: You still have a scar from that? That was 17 years ago!

Michael: Yes, and whenever there’s a cute boy around, I want to cover it up, of course. So I found one of the pencils that is the same exact color of my eyebrows and I put a little spit on it, and I covered it up. And I thought, hmmm, these pencils would really shape my eyebrows nicely, so I started to shape the one eyebrow, then the other eyebrow, then I found another pencil that’s the color of my skin and I made that really wet and I made that into a foundation. And then I took a red, and I started painting the lips, and by now I’m doing the rouge and the blue polka dots, and everything (James laughs). And I’m listening to my Walkman the whole time – this is like two o’clock in the morning, you know – and all of a sudden I hear BANG! BANG! BANG! And I turn around and it’s the sergeant and the night guard and two officers and I’m singing LA LA LA LA LA. . . And they’re like, “Alig, what are you doing?” And I’m standing there with my blue polka dots on.

James: OMG, that’s so funny, I can see it now. You and those goddamned blue dots.