People reports that Paris Hilton has been fired by her namesake nightclub, Club Paris, in Orlando, Florida, and that one of the reasons the owner no longer wants to be associated with the heiress is her failure to thank him for his gift to her of a $450,000 Mercedes SLR McLaren. I caught up with the owner of Club Paris, Fred Khalilian, on the phone, to ask him how exactly one forgets to send a thank-you note for a half-million-dollar sports car that lands in your driveway overnight.

“She got it, she drove it. It was as simple as that. I FedExed the car from the dealership where I bought it, so I knew it had been delivered. The next day I see Paris all over the news, stopping off here and there, climbing out of the McClaren. I waited by my mailbox holding my breath – but I knew I’d choke if I kept holding it.”

It’s a good job Khalilian didn’t hold his breath; the only call he got in the end was from Paris’s publicist Elliot Mintz, enquiring if the car had had its papers sorted out yet. Having washed his hands of Paris, Khalilian is currently planning a contest to find a replacement face for the nightclub, a nationwide American Idol-style search with prizes of modeling contracts, a luxury apartment, instant fame and – you guessed it – a choice of a Mercedes SLR McLaren or a Ferrari. Lets hope that the winner’s package also includes a pack of thank-you notes and a pen.

– Steven Corfe