"You can criticize Margaret Lovatt, the dolphin researcher who admits that in her attempt to teach dolphins speech, she sometimes masturbates them - but you have to admit that if THAT doesn't get them talking, nothing will. Also in this study I think we learn much more about … [Read more...]
Search Results for: bill maher
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher On Cher
"Stop saying 67 year-old year old Cher shouldn't dress like this anymore. What's she's supposed to do, go out on tour wearing a pantsuit from Ann Taylor? You've got to admire anyone that can still fit into their old 70s rhinestone butt thong, whether it's Cher or Richard Simmons. … [Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"The producers of Michael Jackson's new album, Xscape, must tell us whether this was Michael's idea of a spacesuit or something his doctor put on so he wouldn't lick himself." -Bill Maher[Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"New Rule: Before Taco Bell starts serving breakfast, they have to answer one question: 'What did food ever do to YOU?' …you've taken something beautiful – ground up pieces of a pig corpse, curdled lactate secreted by a cow, and an ovum expelled from a chicken's ass – and turned … [Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"New Rule: For just one day there has to be a God, and when Fred Phelps arrives to the pearly gates, HE has to be waiting there for him." -Bill Maher … [Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"New Rule: Whatever country this photo was taken in, has to let me do acid there. I'm not even sure this is a country – I think it might be gay heaven." -Bill Maher, Real Time "New Rule: As the US is … [Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"I'm not sure that these Olympics achieved for Vladimir Putin what he was hoping for, however. Right?…I mean between the hotels not being ready and the world finding out what gay-haters they are over there and then the Cossacks attacking Pussy Riot the other day. Pussy Riot went … [Read more...]
New Rule: Bill Maher On The Whitest Sport
"New Rule: Stop saying there's no whiter sport than hockey. There is – curling. When people who aren't white do curling, it's called 'mopping the floor.'" -Bill Maher, Real Time[Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"New Rule: Now that shocked Froot Loop lovers have learned that all Froot Loops are the same flavor, no matter what the color, someone must explain, gently, to them that Froot Loops don't … [Read more...]
Quote Unquote: Bill Maher
"New Rule: Now that liberals have forwarded their agenda by inserting a mass gay wedding into the Grammys, conservatives must match them, tit for tat, by having a mass shooting at the Country Music … [Read more...]
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