June 1, 1970– Sexology Magazine reported that a study shows that, on average, gay men have larger penises than straight men. An unpopular, but true assertion, I have done some research on my own. I think that Sexology Magazine is a swell name for my New-Jack Funk band.

June 1, 1994– The Pentagon gave serious consideration to a proposal from the U.S. Air Force requesting funds to develop a “Gay Bomb” that would turn enemy troops gay. The proposal came to light in 2007 when the Sunshine Project, an international organization dedicated to upholding prohibitions against biological warfare and, particularly, to preventing military abuse of biotechnology, discovered it through a Freedom Of Information Act disclosure. I had no idea what the “Sunshine Project” was, but count me in. We can all use a little sunshine these days.

As part of our military’s effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested:

One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior.

I like the idea of those horrible Taliban fighters and our U.S. soldiers together in an orgy of lust. That unending war in Afghanistan would have gone much differently. I can just picture Dick Cheney filming the entire enterprise to enjoy later at home in Wyoming along with wife Lynne, neo-fascist Liz and dyke daughter Mary and her wife Heather, plus Dick’s hunting buddies.

The revealed documents show the Air Force lab requested $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon. They called the new weapon, get ready for this: “POPPERS”. For realz. I think that The Sunshine Project would make a terrific name for my new Christian Bossa-Nova trio.

Happy June! I hope that none of you are busting out all over today.