On this day, 73 years ago, a very ugly fat baby was brought into this world and he magically stayed an ugly fat baby until he grew into an extravagantly coiffed, enlarged pee-spattered man-baby; a man-baby with the physical countenance of a man, but a baby’s temperament and hands.

He was born into a crime family working out of the New York City borough of Queens. Following in his father’s footsteps, he became a racist, sexist, xenophobic block of moldy Cheddar who shilled crappy vodka and rancid meat and started his own online nursery school with classes such as LYING FOR FUN AND PROFIT, HOW TO BLAME OTHERS 101 and GRABBING A PUSSY FOR BEGINNERS (if you are famous they let you).

He built fat ugly apartment buildings, hotels, casinos, and golf courses, all of which failed aesthetically and financially. He slapped his name on anything and everything. He never paid taxes. Never learning to read, he hired ghostwriters to compose his line of self-help books including The Art Of The Steal. He owned beauty pageants just so he could peek at young women as they dressed and he produced peculiar reality television shows for the enjoyment of other ugly fat man-babies.

Forever enraged, he is a bewigged abortion blown up to nightmarish size, and he grew more dangerous, thin skinned, unhinged and clinically insane through the years.

A short-fingered vulgarian and compulsive liar, a charlatan with the impulse control of grease fire, he and some of his greedy, grasping, piggish, thuggish acolytes hatched a plan to ruin the world and hasten the apocalypse; and the United States of America decided to let him do it.

Unbelievably, this carcinogiser piggy powered by hypocrisy, was elected president in a surprise victory, although he lost the popular vote by 3 million. He became the oldest, irredeemably horrible, self-obsessed person ever to assume the presidency, and the first without prior military or government service, knowledge, integrity, or basic human decency.

He is the worst brand of simplistic infantile cannibalistic two-faced idiocy, and every week he tries to trump himself. The yellowing hunk of masticated gristly man-baby has a personality styled after Pol Pot. He manages to make Sarah Palin seem accomplished, Chris Christie seem humble and Mike Huckabee seem rational.  

The waddling sack of shit with a comb over has five children from six women. He married Czech model, a second-rate Broadway chorine, and a pretty, mysterious love-deprived Slovenian model. The Tic-Tac sucking sun-kissed buttplug has one daughter he admits to wanting to bang, and another daughter that he named K-Mart in honor of a high-end retailer, and two sons: Jr. and Dim-Wit.

The tangerine man-baby is the précis of everything that is wrong with the American political system and nothing that is right. The only reason the aggressively stupid wanton man-baby is number one in the polls of the Republican voters is because chlamydia isn’t on the list.

A whore for publicity, he is Hitler without the warmth, an egomaniacal grand wizard who isn’t even that grand. He’s the whole package. Forbes estimates the two-bit used hate salesman has a net worth to be $0.000 billion.