OK, let’s just get right to it. Jessica Biel. The necklace is too fussy and too 2010. We aren’t making loud statements with our necks anymore. Also: Yes, your dress has pockets, how absolutely revolutionary. That does not mean you need to keep your hand in it as you work the red carpet. I just looked at DOZENS of pictures of Jessica arriving at the theater – walking the red carpet, posing in front of the step-and-repeat, and signing autographs. She didn’t take her hand out ONCE. Like she was terrified the 8-ball would tumble out. Just toss your lip gloss in there and carry on. I DO like that her BOOBS have pockets, though. It would have been more fun if she kept one hand in her boob pocket, right? Moving on: Kate Beckinsale has one of those faces that I can never remember from one movie premiere to the next. I’m always surprised when I see her. “Oh THAT’S Kate Beckinsale?” But if she keeps wearing hideous dressed like this one here, I suppose I might remember her. I mean: SERIOUSLY? That thing is WRETCHED. It looks like she skinned the Kanima on Teen Wolf. But she makes up for it by accessorizing with her handsome husband, Len Wiseman. Oh, and I do like that John Cho (bottom, left). I find him devastatingly handsome. Yes, even in those Harold and Kumar movies. He just really makes my knees weak. Glad to see he’s in this movie. And finally, I don’t know why Joey Lawrence is there. Was he just wandering past the theater and a PR person recognized him? I don’t know, I don’t know. But, um, YAY JOEY LAWRENCE! (Photos: Pacific Coast News)