Poor Madonna. When you kiss Britney Spears on national TV, its quite reasonable to expect your daughter to question your sexuality. Equally, when you pose naked in a pornographic coffee table book called Sex, it’s pretty much a dead cert that those pictures of you blowing a dog are going to come back and bite you in the ass. Proceed At Your Own Risk predicts the top ten questions Lourdes might ask at the dinner table:

1. Mommy, are you gay?

2. Mommy, does man ass taste yummy?

3. Mommy, what paid more in the early eighties? Singing or prostitution?

4. Mommy, does it feel better to have another woman kissing your lips or

your pussy?

5. Mommy, is Lesbian rape fun?

6. Mommy, is being raped by skinheads even more fun?

7. Mommy, how old do I have to be before I can have S&M orgies with

supermodels and male prostitutes?

8. Mommy, what’s it like performing 69 with a dog?

9. Mommy, we’ve been offered a cool million to pose nude together on the

cover of Vanity Fair. I’m game, are you?

10. Mommy, who’s my real daddy?

-Steven Corfe (t/y Chris)