Not since the Warhol Brillo boxes has an article of cardboard packaging so affected me. Behold the Linda McCartney pizza box. Who knew that Linda McCartney was selling pizza from the grave? Certainly not I, until she summoned me from the freezer section at Whole Foods. I fired up the Linda McCartney Mushroom & Spinach Pizza last night, and it was, indeed, delicious – just what you would expect from any all-natural Linda McCartney item. Afterward, I just couldn’t bring myself to throw the box into the recycling bin. Something was gnawing at me. So many layers of meaning. So much synchronicity. My head was spinning. Like, everyday I read a new item on the blogs about how Heather Mills is such a hellish-harridan-whore-bitch-nasty hag, right? And then, suddenly, here’s Linda, enticing me through the smoky window of the frozen foods freezer. Ahhh, Linda… blonde, ethereal, eternal hippie. Mother of Stella. Linda doesn’t have to scream to the press to be heard. She doesn’t have to whore herself out to some vulgar “dancing celebrities” TV show. No no. Linda speaks in a whisper of tangy cheese with no trans fats and a crunchy crust made with no white flour or yeast. Even from the Great Beyond, Linda remains the nurturing earth mother, feeding us pizza that tastes good AND is good for us. Linda is everything Heather will never be. Even when she’s a pizza…box.
– Harry Redlich