OMG. Hot breaking news flash.

Never mind that YouTube has been bought for billions, the site has just scored its most important scoop to date: the world premiere of the never-before-seen VH1 Liza Minnelli-David Gest fest.

Picture this: August 2002, we are flown into New York for a mystery meeting about a top-secret project. After a three-hour wait we are ushered into a darkened room. At the end, we can dimly make out two shadowy figures and a gay assistant. Behind them towers an enormous buffet. David tells us that – believe it or not – he never owned a Liza record before they met. And Liza – in between mouthfuls of buffet – reminds us she knows all about continuity because she is the daughter of Vincente Minnelli. We knew we flunked in the room. So quite quickly we were ushered out and put on a plane back to LA that very day.

Of course, none of that compares to the show itself. See David go in search of a glass table, and watch as he goes all Lady Macbeth, complaining about a spot on the carpet. Liza meanwhile seems to be thinking that perhaps this was all a huge mistake – the show, the marriage, the whole freakin’ thing!

Oh, and if you stick around for the end of part three you get to see (and hear) Liza sing “Ain’t Nothing But the Real Thing,” a bittersweet hymn to reality TV and this show in particular.

(Part two) (Part three)

– Fenton Bailey