This decade-old massage table where Ted Haggard once lay is, despite a few tears, “totally usable,” says the eBay copy accompanying this bit of purple history “where it all happened.” “Totally usable” is probably how Haggard thought of Mike Jones. The proceeds from the auction will go to Project Angel Heart, and the bidding has already reached a healthy $1,205. Seller will autograph table on request and promises to send Jones’ I Had to Say Something memoir to buyer in June.