ATTENTION PRESS AGENTS: Feel free to use this list of blurbs to publicize your films.

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There’s not even a remote chance you’ll like this movie. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

Pride & Prejudice

Pretty Empire-style dresses in the English countryside can make even Kiera Knightly seem less annoying. (Moye Ishimoto, The WOW Report)

Over the Hedge

Would benefit from a bit of trimming. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest

Second swashbuckler is Ahoy to behold. (Steven Corfe, The WOW Report)

Superman Returns

Tales from the kryptonite. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

Lady in the Water

I see wet people. (Steven Corfe, The WOW Report)

A Prairie Home Companion

At least gopher Meryl Streep. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Uber-Uma. (Steven Corfe, The WOW Report)

Strangers With Candy

Last time we went to the movies, we had strangers with candy sitting next to us. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

Nacho Libre

The next-to-the-last time we went to the movies that’s what the lady next to us was eating. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

You, Me and Dupree

Something that I will never see. (“Rhymin” Moye Ishimoto, The WOW Report)

An Inconvenient Truth

Al Gore wants us to save the world, while he flies around it in his private jet. That’s hot. (Moye Ishimoto, The WOW Report)

Waist Deep That’s weird. Maybe there was a reel missing, but it only came up to our ankles. (Stephen Saban, The WOW Report)

The Devil Wears Prada

Now is the Wintour of our discontent. (Steven Corfe, The WOW Report)